So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize