You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
