you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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