FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
