Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
