I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
