I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
