I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
