I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
