We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
