I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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