Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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