also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
