Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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