I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
