so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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