It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
