I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
