Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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