2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
