Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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