a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
