I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize