i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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