I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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