No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
