He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
