singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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