I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
