we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
