All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
