I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
