i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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