Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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