the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
