I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
