I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
