I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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