so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
