If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
