Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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