Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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