My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
