so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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