Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
