ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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