Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
