there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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