as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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