I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
