Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so let's talk penis.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
