It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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