I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
