I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
