Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
