It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Panties = found
Randomize
