omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
