he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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