have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
