Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
