Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
