Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
