so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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