I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
