If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
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