I puked a lego.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
