Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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